When you're under a lot of stress, you let certain things go.
I've put on 30 pounds since the miscarriage. It's not like my diet changed; I didn't start comfort eating, or anything. I just didn't do anything. I've had other horrible physical symptoms too, which I won't go into here. Basically, I'm in a mess, and that needs to be sorted out.
When I say "I'm in a mess" - compared to other people, I'm having an easy ride. I've never once - not in my life - felt compelled to post a Facebook status outlining my ailments; I figure you have to be in an awful lot of pain or distress to do that. Just, personally, I don't like not being at my best. Just because I'm 40 now doesn't mean I should sit back and accept the failings of my body.
First stop was the doctor. She's long suspected that I'm diabetic, and that my symptoms were actually a sign of diabetes. However, my biggest phobia in the world is needles, so the blood test took me 6 months longer to get done that it should have. Guess what? Not even close. No deficiencies, no diseases, I have perfect blood - as if the mosquitoes hadn't told me that already.
With that out the way, I drew the conclusion that my current physical state is mostly down to my own laziness and apathy. Therefore I'm the one who has to sort it out. I'm lucky that I can "carry weight well": I don't look like I'm on the verge of obesity, but I am. Diet won't help me, it never does: the next step on this road to recovery is to get myself into a decent training routine. If I can knock off just 1 pound a week, I'll be back in shape by the first week of 2015. The plan is to start off at home, and move it back to the gym at the start of July.
There's a few self-dictated rules I have that will help. I never really drink alcohol in the summertime. I get dehydrated very easily, and even a couple of drinks can bring on a headache, so I don't really bother. My rule used to be that I'd allow myself to drink if I was out of the country - but I ended up out of the country so often, it didn't make much sense. The new rule is I'll allow myself to have a couple of drinks when I'm outside of Europe. Sure, I'll have a glass of wine if I'm out to dinner abroad, I'm not that strict with myself, it's just a nice little bit of self-discipline.
I'm still smoking. I had intended to quit that before turning 40, but I haven't. I bought myself a new style electronic cigarette, but I lost it the day after I bought it. I think that's my biggest demon: if I can even get it down to one pack a day, it'll be progress.
One thing I have going in my favour is that I've discovered I can cook. Right up until my late 30s, I had no inclination towards it. Now, I have a fully stocked freezer with healthy meals that I've prepared myself, and they taste - dare I say it - amazing.
I'm not going to become a fitness bore: there'll be no posts from me about the ups and downs of this particular battle, I won't be checking in online every single time I go to the gym, or every time I hit a milestone. I'm just going to get my head down and get to it. Sometimes it's the only way to win.
